Broken And Lovely
by FlyxFlies
Summary: Shitty teen au, made with the help of smoltinypumpkinchild. Forewarning, there's some abuse in it. (Now complete)
1. Chapter 1

Alexander was not a loud person.

He liked to sit in the back of class, marking down his notes often- the only time he was loud was debating. Mainly with Jefferson.

But he had toned down from his elementary and middle school years- even his early highschool ones. He had been told by Aaron multiple times, and from what he'd tested, the theory was true- Talk less, smile more, and you'll get good grades.

Aaron had transferred with Alexander to this school last year- they were both unimpressed with the last school and the transphobic teachers that discriminated against Aaron were wearing him down.

Alexander looked up from his hands, which he had been turning his blocky glasses over with. He pulled the clunky glasses on to see the screen, which unfortunately had "WELCOME ALEX" written in comic sans as the title. It was the first day of his senior year- at this school, anyway. Everyone else in class was well into their studies.

Alexander, frankly, wasn't quite impressed by anything in the classroom. He'd found all the lesson plans online during the summer and already knew the material through and through. He was ready for a laidback year, maybe some time to make friends.

And then _someone_ walked in.

His hair was barely held back by the rubber band, and his eyeliner was just about to fly away. If he were a girl, he'd be breaking literally every dresscode put in place, but schools were more lenient to boys. His eyes were cold and dark-ish, the pupil indistinguishable, and the cherry-red lipstick was distracting Alexander. Metallic silver peircings protruded from his lip and nose and most notably his adorable sticky-outy ears.

Alexander hadn't even looked at his shirt, a neon-blue midriff-bearing top, which was proudly adorned with a middle finger made out of silver sequins. He wore fishnets on his arms up to his elbows, and his hands were covered in biker gloves. Ripped jeans and incredibly worn out purple high tops clothed his legs and feet.

The only words Alexander could come up to describe him with were _gay stud._

Despite the extremely over the top outfit, Alexander supposed he was somewhat attractive, but he'd never start a conversation with the guy. And he probably wouldn't talk to him, either- as far as Alexander was concerned, he could be seen as the nerd with weird sweaters in the back of class and just be perfectly content.

From what he could tell, he hadn't even noticed his existence. He wasn't exactly late, but he wasn't as early as people usually were, Alex noted as he dropped his books on the floor next to his desk and sat in the squeaky school chair.

"Would you like to introduce yourself to the class?" The teacher asked him, looking up from the desk. The boy shrugged in response.

"I'm John Laurens."

Alexander felt a little twinge in his chest, and mentally scolded himself- John clearly had no interest in someone like Alexander.

Class was a "speech" from the teacher about how excited he was to be working with all the students this year, yada yada yada good teacher blah. Alexander had heard this speech from a million different teachers through his life. Watching John three seats ahead, kicking the table leg repeatedly was much more interesting.

Nothing else was interesting up until lunch, which was a solid four periods forward.

Alexander had his brown paper bag which contained a badly made PB-J sandwich and a juice box, entirely unsure of where to sit. John wasn't anywhere to be seen, either fashionably late or playing hooky. Alexander let his gaze wander from table to table until he settled on one way back in the corner with a lone student. Their hair was tied back in a messy knot and they had a pretty nice beard growing in- Alexander presumed they were the french exchange student and was proven right when he was met with a sentence of introductory english muddled by a very strong french accent.

"Oh! Uh... don't know much english..." the student said, expecting Alexander to walk away.

"It's okay. I know french, if that's the language you're more comfortable with."

"Vraiment?" Lafayette asked, blinking.

"Oui. Comment t'appelles-tu?"

"Oh! Je suis Lafayette."

"Je suis Alexandre. Enchantee."

Alexander wasn't unhappy when another person decided to join his and Lafayette's tiny lunch table.

"Uh... hi? Is it okay if I sit here? I'm Hercules."

"I'm Alexander. This is Lafayette." He was internally beaming- two people he'd met in one day and he hadn't made them hate him.

Yet.

Alex loved math. It was his favorite subject. And if he says so himself, he's pretty good at it, too. There was something relaxing about always being able to find an answer, to have something uniform that he could use to solve situations in day to day life.

It was easy to excel in math. At least, not when John Motherfucking Laurens sits right in front of you and he's distracting you with how absolutely adorable he is.

 _Stop that._ Alex scolded himself, turning his attention back to the screen. It was easy to get caught up, either way. He'd be fine.

He went back to determinedly scribbling out the answers to the example problems on the board when the teacher gestured for him and John to follow him outside, and he was ready to panic when the teacher started speaking.

"Well, you see, John here has been failing this class for the past two years," The teacher explained to Alexander, John leaning agaisnt the wall and staring at him. "And according to your grades from your past school, you'd be a good match to tutor John so he doesn't fall behind this year."

 _Huh?_

John, to his credit, did not seem upset, though Alexander presumed he was a bit ticked that someone would imply he was dumb.

Alexander could do this. Absolutely. Just be a math tutor. To John, who scared the living shit out of him, in both a good way and a bad way.

Yeah. He could do this.

He could not do this, he amended, sitting later that day at John's kitchen table with him.

The guy frustrated him to no end- it wasn't that he was incapable of passing math. Oh no, he was plenty smart. Could definitely get straight A's. But he didn't want to spend longer than three seconds on a problem which led to him guessing the answer.

Alexander had had a similar problem once, where he could answer questions from memory in science, ILA, and History from memory, and got discouraged during math since it took him too long.

So that's why he was here, in John Motherfucking Laurens' kitchen, helping him do math homework.

God help him.

"So... what's 7 times 46.42 again?" John asked, swirling his pencil around in a twirling fashion to mark out the forms of flower petals.

"Solve it out," Alexander snapped at him, to which John glared at him.

"No need to be so rude," John grumbled, scratching out some work infuriatingly slow.

"It's 324.94," Alex conceded, not wanting to endure another second of the painstakingly slow pencil marks. John grinned, smugly marking down the answer and then putting the sheet of math homework back into his school binder.

"It looks like we finished early. Do you want to stay for dinner or something?"

Alex had to admit, that did take him by surprise. He'd just spent the last twenty minutes or so ridiculing John for doodling instead of working, and he was inviting him to stay... for dinner?

Alex wasn't one to turn down free food.

"Uh... sure, what are we having?"

"Microwaveable pasta."

"Alright then," Alex said, shoving his clunky glasses up the bride of his nose so he could see John clearer.

John was about to put the package in the microwave when someone at the door of the alarmingly large house pressed down on the doorbell and _did not let go._

"What's tha-" Alex started, looking up, but John had already dropped the pasta.

"That's Francis. I gotta go, sorry, let yourself out once you've had dinner!" He said, running towards the door and grabbing his coat on the way.

 _Francis?_

Alex peered around the kitchen corner to see the doorway, which John had swung wide open.

 _Is there a gay stud club or something?_ Alexander asked himself, squinting at the figure in the doorway. They were clearly similar to John in fashion taste, from the edgy clothes to the peircings. The man's blond hair was shaven partly on one side and spiked wildly, and sure, Alex could see why the two might hang out.

What he was _not_ expecting was for who he supposed was Francis to pull John's face up to his with his shirt collar and proceed to _make out with him in the doorway._

And what he _definitely_ wasn't expecting was the misplaced pang of jealousy that shot through his chest like a bullet.


	2. Chapter 2

**thanks to smoltinypumpkinchild, my lovely editor**

Alex is hopeless.

He knows he's bi. He's out to his foster parents, and they couldn't care less. Aaron knows.

But sometimes, he really does not understand the ways his sexuality works. Because, at least he thinks, it should be clear that you shouldn't fall in love with the single most unnatainable person in the world in the short span of two weeks.

Not only is John the single worst form of _not single,_ he probably considers himself "Too cool" to hang out with Alexander. And while he knows this, Alexander is still very much laying awake at 3AM and thinking about him. He grumbles and rolled over, pulling his pillow close to his chest...

 _DING!_

Who would be texting him at this hour? Lafayette, maybe? He hasn't given Lafayette or Hercules his number, so... Aaron?

[Butthead] there are two drunk idiots at my door

[hamsandwich] who?

[Butthead] it's the punk kids or whatever

[Butthead] the gay studs

[hamsandwich] uhh is john there

[Butthead] i think that's his name, yeah

[Butthead] he claims its jesus tho

[Butthead] he's here with his boyfriend

[hamsandwich] do u want me to come pick them up and drop them off somewhere or something

[Butthead] yes

Alexander sighs and pockets his phone, rolling out of bed and grabbing his coat to shoulder on over his pyjamas. He puts his glasses on and then walks outside to where his foster parent's minivan is.

He has a driver's license, he's eighteen. He's technically allowed to drive it.

He hops into the drivers side, plugging in the keys and beginning the incredibly short drive to Burr's house.

When he gets there, he sees precisely what he expects to: Aaron is standing in the doorway. Presumably, he's taken his binder off, as it's 3AM, and he's awkwardly standing with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Alex. Thank god. Take these two idiots to their houses," he says, turning around and walking back into his house. Alexander turns to the two, who are giggling and hiccuping.

"It's not even legal for you two to be drunk. You aren't 21. You're lucky I'm not calling the police." John's hanging off of Francis' shoulder, laughing _way_ too hard at the threat of police. Francis is giggling too- and being uncomfortably handsy with John.

Alex pinches the bridge of his nose, composing himself.

"Both of you, get in the car." he grumbles, grabbing their arms and dragging them towards it, opening the backseat for them. He doesn't bother trying to persuade them into seatbelts- he knows it would be pointless.

"What's your address, Francis?" he asks, turning to him- Francis hands him his phone, which has his address as the lockscreen. That's fairly smart, Alex muses, in case the phone got lost, or if he was too drunk to even speak.

He starts driving, suddenly wishing he had noise cancelling headphones, because Francis is getting ridiculously handsy and John's squeaking every once in a while.

He rounds the corner around to where Francis' house is, then parks in front of the house long enough for Francis to crawl out of the backseat and sneak back into his house. John climbs forward and sits in the front seat and props his feet up on the dashboard, looking over at Alex. He swallows hard when he notices the dark purple bruises up John's neck, turning back to the steering wheel.

"I guess, i'll uh, just take you home-" Alex starts, about to take the brakes out of lock, but John grabs his hand to make him stop.

"Don't... don take me home," he slurrs out, Alex blinking in confusion. "Dad'll hit me if he sees I'm drunk," he manages, looking at Alexander desperately.

Alexander looks at him with alarm, sitting up and taking his hand off of the controls. A punishment for going out drinking would be fair, but hitting your child? And there's something wrong with your child fearing you would hit them- even while stupidly drunk.

"Your father hits you?" he asks, turning to look at John. John looks away from Alexander, instead directing his attention to the street lamp outside of the car. Behind the layers and layers of makeup and persona, there was a scared boy who was afraid of his own father.

"You can stay at my house for the night," Alex grumbles in defeat silently scolding himself. Surely his foster parents will hang him for this, he thinks, taking the brakes off lock and starting down the road back to his house. There are several long minutes before either of them speak, and when someone finally does, it's John.

"Thank you," he says, looking back at Alex. John fishes through his pockets, trying to find something, pulling out a tiny ziploc baggie and removing his peircings and dropping them into it. Alex guessed that they were probably uncomfortable- he'd take them off the first chance he got, too.

"D'you have makeup wipes?" John mumbles, glancing at Alex.

"There might be some in the glove compartment, but I'm not sure." Alex tells him, staring at the road ahead.

"L'right, I found some," John said, wiping off his face and then shoving the now-used make up wipe into his pocket. Alex, out of simple curiousity, turns to John, but unfortunately it's too dark to see his face.

He turns his eyes back to the road and parks the car in the garage, getting out of his side and then going around to John's and offering him his hand to help him out. John looks over at him and Alexander almost had a heart attack.

John's wiped all of the makeup off his face and removed all of his piercings- and Alex assumes that he's also taken colored contacts out, which he didn't know he had been wearing. John's face is splattered with freckles and his eyes are green- an absolutely lovely, deep green.

"You don't have freckles all the time." Alex accuses him, pulling him out of the car.

"I cover 'um up with concealer," John explains, looking at Alex. "Francis don't like 'em." Alexander squints at him, confused.

"Well, Francis is an idiot," he says, without quite thinking. John giggles, holding onto his arm for balance.

"Don' say that, 's rude."

"Well, it's true."

"Shhhhhhh," John says, putting a finger to Alex's lips hazily, unable to keep his hand stable.

"So what's with the covering up the green eyes?"

"No reason," John mumbles, but the way he looks away from Alex signifies that he's clearly lying.

Alexander decides to just leave it be- he's only known John a few weeks.

He helps him up the stairs to his room, John stumbling on the hardwood as Alexander pulls him along. He kicks open the door and sits John down on the lower part of the bunk bed.

"I'll get you some pajamas. Hang on," Alex says, turning around to face the drawer and combing through the pajmas to find a pair that might fit John. He silently curses his chubby form- there's no way that one of these will come close to John's size.

He finally just grabs a random pair and turned around to John, who had already discarded all of his clothes on the floor except his boxers.

John was certainly not ugly. The opposite, actually. He wasn't exactly muscular but it's clear he didn't fake injuries to get out of P.E. the way Alex often did, possibly even went to the gym occassionaly. Much, much unlike Alex. And he had way more freckles than Alexander had originally thought possible.

If Alexander had more money, he'd probably pay John to never put clothes on again.

John takes the pajamas from Alex rather quickly and pulls them on, Alex silently scolding himself for ogling him, then pulling back the covers for John to crawl in, then pulling up the covers to John's chin.

"Thanks again," John mumbles, rolling over and falling asleep.

Alexander climbs the ladder up to the top bunk and falls asleep on top of the covers, trying to somehow figure out what's going on with him.


	3. Chapter 3

Alexander changed his mind. School is fucking boring.

He knew everything they were teaching already. His only actual escape from the boredom was lunch time.

Lafayette had learned a substantial amount of english in only a few months, but Alexander still had to translate the words for Hercules sometimes. He was frustrated- not because he had to translate, but because neither of the two seemed to realize how much the other was flirting with them.

The tiny table trio had grown- first by Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy sitting with them. Aaron had also stopped eating in the classrooms since the teachers were begging him to take a break from his work.

Aaron plopped down next to Alexander, sighing loudly and then planting his face into the table. Alexander awkwardly patted his back, even though he didn't know the source of Aaron's distress.

"Fuckin' Charles Lee, man," Aaron grumbled, sitting up and pulling his lunch towards himself.

"What'd he do this time?"

"Tried to rip my binder."

"Yikes. He sucks. You're alright, right?" Alexander continued his statement, looking at Aaron in concern. Aaron nodded and looked up at Peggy as they sat down across from Alex and Aaron.

"Eliza and 'Gelica are outside doin' charity stuff," Peggy said, yawning. They dumped out their lunch onto the table, sorting through it and then raising a sandwich to their mouth and pausing along with everyone else in the room when someone started yelling at someone a few tables down.

 _So that's where John sits,_ Alexander mused, watching Francis shout at John.

"Why would you tell my mom?!" Francis yelled, standing up to loom over John, who was staring up with wide eyes and clearly trying to sink into his seat.

"Francis, calm down-" Francis grabbed John by his shirt collar, pulling him up to look at him. Alexander couldn't hear the words passing from Francis to John, but they were no doubt absolutely vile. The entire cafeteria was staring at the two. Alexander was silently praying someone would go and stand up for John, but no one seemed to have the will to move.

John wiggled out of Francis' grip, moving up his hand rapidly to point it at Francis and tell him off, Francis responding by grabbing his wrist and squeezing it tightly to the breaking point and then saying something to him quietly and turning around and leaving.

John looked around at all of the pairs of eyes on him, hanging his head and turning around and walking to the bathroom. Alexander turned back to his friends, sharing a shocked glance with them before getting up and walking to the bathroom which John had run to. He could hear two pairs of footsteps behind him- a quick glance over his shoulder confirmed Peggy and Aaron were following him.

The bathroom was bright and there was a pastel-clothed figure hunched over the sink, splashing water on his face. Alexander reached out and tapped John's shoulder cautiously, John whirling around and putting up his arms to defend his face, then slowly lowered them when he realized no hits were coming and there were three faces looking at him with concern.

"Er… hi." John said, leaning against the sink and wiping at his face with his hand to smudge away some tears. There was a noticeable ring of bruises around John's wrist, where Francis had grabbed him. Alex could see where he had pulled up his shirt sleeves that there were bruises up his arms too.

"What was all of that about?" Aaron asked him, John scratching the back of his head and then undoing the tie that held back his ponytail, his curls falling down over his shoulders. Peggy reached for something in their bag, fishing it out as John started to explain.

"I told Francis' mom that he smokes and he got really upset with me because his mom texted him that she found his drawer of cigarettes and threw them away so now he doesn't have any." The words tumbled out of John's mouth quickly, no pauses or emphasis put on any words. Peggy found what they were looking for- a stress ball- and handed it to John. John stared at it for a moment before starting to squish it between his fingers as he stared at the ceiling.

"Does he do that often?" Alexander tried carefully.

"Lose his shit? Yeah." John grumbled, sighing.

"...You need to dump him." Aaron, Alex, and Peggy all said at once.

"I… no, he can change, I can-"

"No you can't." Aaron said firmly. "He's abusing you, clear as day. You need to leave that relationship immediately."

"I'm not going to."

All three audibly sighed, Alexander taking off his blocky glasses to rub his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose. John was already walking towards the bathroom door.

"I have to get to english." He mumbled, speeding out of the door and leaving the trio to ponder their options.

The three of them stared around blankly at each other before Aaron looked at his watch.

"He's right, class starts soon. We should go."

Peggy opened the door for the two others and then followed them out, splitting off to go to their class. Alexander waved bye to Aaron as he walked into his Science classroom, rolling his eyes at Jefferson as he walked by, loudly talking to Madison about something or other- he didn't find out because he walked into his classroom and shut the door to avoid a conversation.

Alexander was _hoping_ for a regular tutoring session after that long day.

He'd been meeting John after school for more than a month now, and the most he could say that John succeeded in was squeezing the answers out of Alexander.

 _DING!_

"Is that your phone or mine?" Alexander asked, turning to John, who had already pulled his phone out.

"Yeah. 'S Francis."

"What's he got to say this time?" Alexander grumbled, looking at the ceiling.

"He wants a pack of cigs," John said, yawning. Alexander glanced over at him in shock, his mind going to a million different conclusions at once and then spikes of worry flaring.

"You smoke?" He squeaked out in alarm.

"No. No, no- Francis does. You afraid of cigarettes or something?" John asked, grinning at Alexander smugly. Alexander's face flushed in both embarrassment and fury at the teasing tone. "Calm yourself, vanilla boy." John told him, noting the flush on his cheeks- Alexander chuckled darkly, looking at John. He frowned at Alex, raising an eyebrow.

"Alex. You wear hand-knitted sweaters. Your kinks can not be _that bad_."

"Really? Do you _really_ want to know?"

"We are not having a conversation about this," John stated, looking up at the ceiling.

"Alright, so what's 7635.96 times negative 48.3?"

"So about them kinks," John amended quickly, redirecting the conversation away from his math homework. Alexander snorted at him, looking behind them at the pantry.

"I'm hungry. Will you make me dinner if I do your math homework?"

"Sure thing, _Vanilla boy_ ," John teased, tossing the paper at Alex and getting up to go to the pantry and find something he could cook for Alex.

"Are you going to stop calling me vanilla boy anytime soon?"

"Nah." John said, balancing a can of spaghettios on his head- Alexander had not specified what the quality of the dinner had to be, so he guessed it was fair.

When John's phone vibrated again, Alexander couldn't help his curiosity, and slid the phone sideways so he could read the text messages.

[FRANCIS 3] john wher r u? :0

[FRANCIS 3] im sry 4 yellin u earlier babe

[FRANCIS 3] oh r u with that nerd-ass tutor :p

[FRANCIS 3] u better not be cheating on me with him :(

[FRANCIS 3] what r the answers to the hw btw *~*

[FRANCIS 3] i'll repay u if u give me the answers ;)

[FRANCIS 3] john when u dont text back it worries me D:

[FRANCIS 3] can u get me a pack of cigs btw? To make up 4 tellin my mom

[turtle boi] This is "That nerd-ass tutor." He's making spaghettios right now

[FRANCIS 3] oh

[FRANCIS 3] tell him he needs to hurry up and get my cigarettes ;

Alexander sighed at the screen, a bit disgusted with the man- while Alex certainly didn't know John very well, he could at the very least guess he deserved better than _this_ guy.

Alexander stood up and walked over to where John was seated on the counter, stirring the pot of spaghettios that he had put over the stove. Alexander very gently reached out and put a hand on John's shoulder, earning a confused look.

"You need to dump him." John snorted, turning back to the soup.

"Why? Why do I need to dump him, Alexander?"

"He yelled at you in front of everyone at lunch, and you still have the bruises on your wrist." John flinched, looking at his hand and tugging his sleeve down over the mentioned bruises.

"So?"

"And, I don't know if you remember this, but a few weeks ago I found out you had freckles."

"...Thanks for driving me home."

"You didn't go home, you spent the night at my house."

"Right. Yeah."

"And you said, while stupidly drunk, that Francis doesn't like your freckles."

"Well, yeah, and it's fair enough. My freckles look stupid."

"No, they aren't." Alexander snapped. "Freckles are adorable." Alexander paused, looking at John's semi-shocked expression. "And you said your father would hit you if he saw you drunk." John froze, the spoon standing still in the soup.

"I said that?"

"Yeah."

"I don't like this conversation." John said quickly, his voice strained. Alex looked at him in despair, deciding to leave it be once again- for now. John slid off the counter and poured the spaghettios into a bowl and handed it to Alexander, directing him to the drawer full of silverware. Alex noted that John sort of half-fled from the kitchen with the excuse, "I need to use the bathroom."

Alex shoveled the noodles into his mouth, packing up John's now-finished math homework for him. He looked around the kitchen, spotting a rather impressive painting of a woman. Dark curls framed the woman's face, which had more freckles than he could count, as well as dark brown eyes. The paint strokes were graceful and as Alex looked closer he noticed an incredible attention to detail he hadn't known possible. John re-entered the kitchen, his face a tad splotchy but he seemed otherwise fine.

"Who painted that?"

"That? Oh... um, I did." Alexander felt his jaw drop of his own accord.

"It's... really good. Who's it of?"

"...My mom." John said, turning away from him.

"How is she?" Alexander asked casually, shoveling more noodles into his mouth.

"She's dead." John snapped bluntly.

Alexander choked on his noodles momentarily before gulping them down, looking at the back of John's head, which was faced to the floor.

"My mom is dead too." Alex stated after a few moments of silence, John turning to him incredulously.

"Well, I guess we should just start a club then."

"John-"

The doorbell rang again, John turning on his heel and going towards it. Alex hadn't meant to make him angry, but he supposed it was fair- too many questions, too little time.

There was muffled speaking, which Alexander could tell was tinted angrily- whoever it was, it was someone John apparently butted heads with. As soon as he got back, Alexander asked him another question, which he scolded himself for.

"What was all that about?"

"Nothing," John snapped at him, going over to the sink and taking his colored contacts out. Semi-haphazardly, he almost ripped his piercings out, then scrubbed the makeup off his face.

"I think I should go." Alex said slowly, backing away from John, who looked back at him.

"It's raining."

"Huh?" Alex asked, looking to the window- and sure enough, there was a steady downpour. "Oh. I'll just use an umbrella-" He started, but John shook his head.

"Just wait it out." John told him, looking back at Alexander.

"Are you mad at me? You sound upset." Alex inquired, mentally scolding himself yet again for the invasive question.

"I'm fine." He fired off of his tongue too fast to be truthful- Alex heard Aaron's words in his mind.

 _Talk less. Smile more._

Alexander smiled at him, then quickly changed his facial expression when a crash of thunder and lightning sounded outside. He could physically feel all of the blood draining from his face and his muscles locking up.

"Alex?" he heard a voice. Who's voice? He's drowning all over again. More thunder, more waves. It was hell, all over again. He's thrown out of his body, into the waves, choking on salty water. Crying for help.

No one comes.

His arms and legs are violently thrashing, attempting to keep him afloat. His eyes are on fire, and his vision is blurry, he can't see anything that's going on beyond basic shapes. He's going to die. He's going to drown here. _No one will care_ , he knows this. No one cared before.

His lungs are closing up. He's not breathing. His eyes closed at some point. The only thing Alexander could do now was accept death...

Something was pulling him. Up, he thought. Someone's helping him up.

"Count to ten," The person told him, and Alexander obliged.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten." He choked out, water evaporating from his lungs as the person continued the count for him- as time returned to its normal speed, the hurricane was fading, replaced by someone.

John. John had pulled him out of the hurricane.

Alexander's first emotion besides blinding fear was shame. He'd had a panic attack, at John motherfucking Lauren's house, and he'd probably hate him. Alex would hate him too.

"Alexander?" he pleaded, his green eyes wide. Alex likes his eyes. They looked like emeralds. Why does he cover them up? "Say something."

"I'm tired." Alex managed to gasp out. His arms felt like they were about to fall off and he wasn't even sure if his legs were capable of moving. He flitted his eyes around the room- apparently, John had taken him to the couch. John nodded and stood up, Alexander looking at him pathetically for a moment before John sighed and picked him up carefully, adjusting his legs so he wouldn't drop him on the way to his room.

John carried him into his room, setting him down on the bed and then going off for a few moments and coming back in pajamas. He looked at the upper bunk and evaluated it for a moment before lying down next to Alexander and pulling the covers up over both of them.

"You're nicer like this," Alex mumbled, curling up hardly an inch from John.

"Like what?" John whispered back, amused.

"Not acting."

John was silent.

"Was that weird?" Alex whispered, looking over at John. It was too dark to make out his features.

"Go to sleep." John mumbled, rolling over so his back was to Alexander.


	4. Chapter 4

**a very short chapter! comments appreciated!**

Alexander woke up, kicking out his legs and flailing for a moment before he remembered he was safe. He realized, with alarm, that there was indeed a sleeping figure next to him. He got up and didn't spare a glance at John. He just wanted to be out of here.

He found the nearest mirror and fixed all of his clothes, then retreived his glasses and shoved them on. He glanced around the rest of John's room wildly, looking at the calendar.

It was a school day, he realised unhappily. Usuaully, he'd jump for joy, but after stormy nights... he'd prefer to just stay home.

He's trying to make it onto honor roll, though. He can't miss any school.

"Alex?" a voice grumbled from the bed, followed by a thump as they rolled out and probably hit their head on the dresser.

Alex turned to look at him, holding out a hand to help him up. John took it, rubbing his head and then looking at Alex.

His hair was, frankly, quite wild. His eyes were slitted with sleepiness, his freckles were spotted all over his face and down his neck-

"Are you wearing turtle pajamas?" Alexander asked, John looking down at himself and shrugging.

"Guess I am, vanilla boy."

Alexander watched him walk to his closet and grab one of his shirts and a pair of jeans, then go into his bathroom and change into them. The doorknob clicked as he heard John lock it.

Alexander looked through the clothes in his closet, not sure what to make of many of them. He noted many shirts with snarky lettering- "No gag reflex, no problem" and "Your son calls me daddy too" were some of his personal favorites.

Alexander went to a different bathroom than the one John was in, washing his face off in the sink and then judging himself in the mirror.

Well, he wouldn't be attractive, but no one would hate him.

John came into the bathroom, grabbing a bag from under the sink and then spreading out the bag's contents- makeup and piercings.

Alexander watched John half-intruigued. He was rather good at it, he had to admit- his eyeliner was not at all shaky and his lipstick wasn't bleeding, no matter how incredibly bold the bright red color was. It was when John reached for the concealer that Alexander grabbed his hand to stop him.

"Leave your freckles."

"Why?"

"Just do it." John blinked at him rapidly, trying to process what he was saying. "Leave your contacts out, too."

John put the concealer back into the bag, Alexander silently rejoicing.

"Do we walk to school, or..." Alex started, John shaking his head.

"The bus." Alex nodded in response. John walked down the the front door and opened it for Alexander, sitting down on the front step and tucking his knees up to his chest. Alex watched, with slight curiousity as he twisted his fingers around in his hands.

"Why are you doing that?" Alexander asked him, John sitting up and putting his hands down.

"Uh, no reason."

"You can keep doing it, I don't mind." John hesitated for a moment and then started up the hand movements again, watching the end of the street for the bus to come around the corner.

"Do you have a driver's licence?" Alex asked, leaning against the mailbox.

"Err…. no. I can't focus enough to drive." Alex didn't ask for clarification, as John seemed to be getting uncomfortable.

They sat in silence for a few more moments before John looked over at Alexander, starting up a sentence.

"Can I sit with you at lunch today?"

"Will Francis come too?" Alex asked, pushing his glasses up.

"No, I just want to get to know you better."

"That's perfectly fine," Alex replied, looking away from him as he felt his face heating up. "Just be warned, Hercules is like, a little bit scared of you. He thinks you sacrifice animals in your spare time."

"What?" John blurted, trying to hold back laughter. "I love animals. They're one of my favorite things to talk about."

"Really?" Alexander asked, looking up- he had definitely not expected a guy who looked this… hardcore to enjoy talking about fluffy little creatures. "What's your favorite animal?"

"That's a hard one," John confessed, but the excitement in his voice was clear- obviously, he didn't get to talk about this much. "I mean, going by how they look, I have to say turtles. They're also my only favorite animal i've owned as a pet. But I like wolves too- like, analyzing how their social patterns work." The information was stumbling out of his mouth rapid-fire. "For instance, did you know the alpha-beta-omega system people use in movies and books is complete bullshit? It's a cool dynamic to work with, but it's entirely untrue. Most wolf packs are actually families- like, what one would consider the "Alphas" are the parents and the other wolves are their children. I'm rambling again, aren't I-"

"No, it's fascinating. Go on," Alex encouraged him, shifting so he could face John without turning his head. John blinked at him in clear shock.

"You don't think i'm annoying?" He asked in confusion, Alexander shaking his head.

"No, I don't-" Alexander was cut off by a bus horn honking, John bolting up and pulling Alex up, Alexander shoving down the fluttery feeling he got when John grabbed his hand to pull him up and drag him to the bus before it left without them.

John opened the door and pulled Alex up the steps quickly, Alex huffing as he was out of breath as he sat down next to John. John, on the other hand, seemed to be perfectly fine despite the dash he had just dragged Alexander through.

Alexander assumed John probably exercised a lot more than Alex did.

John looked out the window, Alexander leaning against the tattered bus seat and looking up at the ceiling.

The deafening chatter of the other students droned on around the two of them, John continuing to stare out the window in silence. The school wasn't too far away.

Alexander looked around the bus, trying to spot some familiar faces- most of these people weren't in his classes, but he'd seen a few people in the hallway.

The bus screeched to a halt, the doors clanking open. Alex stood up to let John get up, walking out with him to the school building and then turning to him.

"So i'll see you at lunch?"

"Yep."


	5. Chapter 5

"Butterfly." Alex tested Lafayette, holding up a notecard with the word facing Lafayette and the meaning on the other side.

"Uh… buerremouche?" Lafayette tried, squinting at the card.

"Sort of. That's the direct translation, but the word is actually Papillon."

" _Merde,"_ Lafayette muttered, leaning back. "Un autre."

"I think you've done enough for today, Lafayette." Alexander said, pulling a rubber band around the notecards and then tossing them over to Lafayette. He caught them quickly, stuffing them into his backpack. Alex twisted on his couch to face the movie screen, using the remote to idly flip onto a french movie with english subtitles, which Alexander had personally made sure were correct so Lafayette could actually use them for educational purposes.

"Alright. I'm heading home, see you next Friday." He said the words slowly so Lafayette could process them, then walking out the door and waving good bye. He was about to get into his foster parent's van, which he'd finally gained the rights to use.

[turtle boi] help

[ham] ?

[turtle boi] francis my house help

[ham] coming

Alexander didn't understand exactly the message John was trying to convey but the short texts were unnerving and the mere mention of Francis' name was enough to get considerably worried.

He half-hurled himself into the driver's seat, jamming the keys into the ignition and then pulling out of his parking spot and driving _right_ at the speed limit to John's house. He braked once momentarily to let a squirrel pass in front of the van and then immediately started going as fast as he legally could again until he got to John's house, which thankfully hadn't been a terribly long drive away.

He kicked open the car door and then slammed it shut without locking it, since he would hopefully only be in there five minutes.

He jumped up the steps around the highly decorated garden on their lawn, grinding his foot into the door mat anxiously while he rang the doorbell repeatedly. Thoughts flooded through his head- what was Francis doing to John that actually warranted a text message for help?

A tall man answered the door, Alexander momentarily frozen. He was, as previously mentioned, tall, and he had cold iron-grey hair and an incredibly wrinkled face. His skin was significantly paler than John's- the only thing that gave him away as the boy's father were his forest green eyes, which were significantly crueler-looking than John's.

"Um… i'm John's tutor, can I go up to his room?" The man opened the door wider for Alexander to walk through, Alexander politely dipping his head in acknowledgement to him and then running up the stairs to get to John's room.

He glanced around quickly for John's room, finding it with a smattering of drawings taped to the door. Alexander resolved that they could be admired later- John came before his drawings. He twisted the door handle and swung the door open, finding precisely what he feared- John, pinned against a wall by Francis, and trying to push him away.

Francis glanced sideways from where he had rested his mouth against John's neck, Alex striding towards them and shoving Francis away from John, onto the floor.

"Go fuck a cactus, you piece of shit." Alexander spat at him, John tugging his shirt and sleeves down from where Francis had pulled them up. He had a black eye, Alexander pausing and reaching out to John.

"Are you alright?" He asked, ignoring Francis for the moment.

"Yeah-" John started, jumping backwards when Francis lunged out at Alex and grabbed his ankle, twisting it painfully before Alex lifted up his other foot to stop on Francis' hand, unfortunately not realizing this would cause him to drop to the floor since he had no more feet to hold him up. Francis twisted his ankle more until he heard it crack, Alex using his hands to struggle to a sitting position and then lunging at Francis, who was still on the ground. The two squabbled for a moment, shoving against each other's arms, trying to push the other down but remaining unsuccessful until Francis brought up his knee and kicked Alexander in the stomach, Alexander gasping and then twisting to get away from him, Francis standing up and pinning Alexander down with his foot on his ribs.

Alexander lifted his arms to cover his face and Francis started kicking him repeatedly, trying to curl into himself to bear it easier until the kicks stopped coming.

He heard John shifting until he managed to stand up and grab Francis' arm and drag him away from Alex, opening his mouth to plead with him, but Francis cut him off.

"I'm breaking up with you. You're obviously cheating on me with this cunt," Francis said, gesturing to Alexander. "And you won't have sex with _me_ , even though we've been dating for a year. Good-fucking-bye, John." Francis stepped over Alex, opened the door, and then slammed it behind him.

Alexander could see John staring after Francis with his mouth wide open, unable to process what had just happened.

"Alex?" John stuttered in a squeaky voice, stumbling to Alexander and sinking down until he was sitting next to him. "Are you okay?"

Alexander ignored the aches in his chest and rolled over to face him, nodding.

"Are you?" Alex croaked, pushing himself up to look over at John.

His lipstick was, impressively, still in place mostly. The concealer over his freckles was a bit smudged, revealing a few of them. His hair had many strands floating outside of the ponytail but otherwise contained. Bruises laced around his hands, up his neck, and of course, the black eye. Alex had no idea what he looked like, but probably not too pretty.

"Your nose is bleeding," John mumbled, getting up and grabbing a box of kleenex to wipe the blood away from Alexander's nose and chin.

He re-seated himself in front of Alexander, wiping off his face and hardly touching his face- Alex let his eyes slit closed at the gentle touch, breathing out and letting John continue what he was doing.

"It's almost seven," John whispered to Alexander, peeling back one of Alexander's lips to wipe some blood from the inside of his mouth. "Do you want to just spend the night?"

"Mmmmmph," Alex responded, too exhausted from the squabble to give a proper response. John chuckled, standing up and pulling Alex up with him and then adjusting him so he could lay down in the bed. John pulled the covers up over Alexander, turning off the lights. Alex could hear John moving around the room and cleaning it up, falling asleep long before John climbed to the bunk over him and fell asleep himself.


	6. Chapter 6

Alexander groaned as he shifted out of sleep- he was sore everywhere and every time he moved his joints grated together painfully.

He heard something crash downstairs, pushing himself up from where he lay and then balancing himself on the nightstand to get used to the uncomfortable soreness all over his body.

He stumbled out of the room, shutting the door behind him and then walking down the stairs, careful not to slip on the hardwood panels. He poked his head into the kitchen, blinking at John, who was wearing an oversized green shirt that was practically a dress- it went down to his knees and it left some of his freckled, bruised shoulder exposed.

Alexander directed his eyes away- he would not openly stare at his friend like that. He had just gotten out of a relationship, and an abusive one at that. John probably wouldn't want to get with anyone for a while.

"Oh! Uh, Alex, i'm just heating up a pastry for them." John blurted, looking over at the table, where all four of John's siblings sat. Alexander yawned and nodded, walking over to the table and taking the seat next to one of his sisters.

Martha appeared to be about as old as John, maybe 15 years old which would land her at three years younger. James was probably about ten, while Henry and Mary seemed to both be five.

Martha had her feet propped up on the table, thumb idly flicking at her phone screen as she held it up one-handed, eating a piece of toast with the other.

"So who're you?" James asked Alexander, leaning on the table and looking across at him.

"Alex. I'm John's friend," He replied, yawning and waiting for the next question from the curious child.

"Who beat you up?"

"Er… someone from school."

"Meaner," James commented, grabbing the plate John handed him.

Alexander sat awkwardly for another few minutes before John set a bowl of cereal down in front of him and then sat down at Alex's side.

"Thanks," John whispered to him, Alexander smiling at him weakly and picking up his spoon and shoveling the froot loops into his mouth.

Martha got up, shoving her phone in her pocket.

"I'm going to the mall," she stated, going to the connected closet and pulling out a coat, shrugging it on.

"With your friends?" John asked, looking up at her. She nodded back, leaving the kitchen. Alexander watched her leave, then looked around the kitchen, now awake enough to actually consider his surroundings. The children went up to their rooms one by one, leaving Alexander and John in the kitchen, alone.

"I… thanks again, Alex." He mumbled, glancing at him. Alexander stood up, extending his arms out.

"Mandatory hug time."

"Alright," John responded, his form shaking with a quiet laugh as he stood up and went into the hug. Alexander squeezed him tighter than he was probably expecting, Alexander tucking his chin into John's shoulder. He hadn't realized before, but John was almost a full head taller than him.

John, after a few moments of awkwardly standing in the hug, squeezed him back and then let go.

"So, um… what do you wanna do?"

"I think I need to go home. My foster parents are going to get worried."

"Oh." John looked a little disappointed, but he nodded anyway. "Your van is still outside, I think." Alex nodded, smiling at him.

"See you on Monday?"

"Yep!" John said, waving to Alex as he left the kitchen and then walked down to the front door and pushed it open, walking out to his foster parent's van.

He retrieved his phone from where it had been discarded in the front seat, pocketing it quickly and then setting up the car to drive, pulling his seatbelt across and then driving to his foster parent's house much more carefully than he had driven to John's.

Alex pulled up and parked in the driveway carefully, quietly sneaking into the house and up to his room so his foster parents wouldn't see him bruised like he was.

He collapsed onto his bed, sighing in relief and pulling out his phone, fully intending to spend the rest of the day sitting on his ass watching YouTube on his phone.

[butthead] yo alex

[butthead] john just changed his fb status from dating to single

[butthead] what happened

[hamsandwich] francis broke up w/ him bc he thought john was cheating on him with me

[butthead] lmao were you

Alexander silently cursed Aaron for making his face flood red- at the very least, no one was in the room to see it.

[hamsandwich] no

[butthead] alright sure i believe you ;0

[butthead] dam i need a better binder

[hamsandwich] i wish i had enough money to get u one

[butthead] yeah same

[butthead] did you know jefferson's buddy is trans? Whats his name again like jamboree madram

[hamsandwich] james madison. I feel bad for him

[butthead] same

[butthead] alright washington's calling me gtg

Alex closed the texting app, flipping through his pages and pages of free apps before finding YouTube and tapping on it.

[lafayiff] georges is so cute -\/\/-

{attatchment: fourteen images}

Alexander sighed as he watched the data notification pop up- at least the data was being lost to Lafayette's adorable cat.

[hamsandwich] amour lui 3

[lafayiff] moi aussi

Alexander watched as the clock ticked on over his youtube videos, eventually tossing his phone to the bedside table and flicking out his light, falling asleep soon after even though he had done next to nothing productive.


	7. Chapter 7

Alexander actually quite liked malls. The shops, the colorful, diverse people, the free food samples, the smells from the food court, the movie theatre on the top floor, and window-shopping for things he could never afford. Lafayette, Hercules, and Aaron all seemed to be fans of them as well- but John appeared withdrawn in the crowded building.

John apparently didn't usually wear his punk clothes on weekends. Currently, he was just wearing a blue shirt and jeans, although the lip piercing he had was still in.

"Can we get cookies?" Hercules asked, yawning.

"Where's the… what is the word?" Lafayette asked, squinting. "Wheel table?"

"Cart?" Aaron suggested, looking over at Laf with a smile playing on his lips.

"Oui, that." Lafayette responded, grinning sheepishly. Hercules grinned at him, Alexander poking John's shoulder and gesturing to them with his head. John snapped into attention, looking at what Alexander had gestured to, smiling faintly at how Hercules and Lafayette were looking at each other.

The group walked up the stairs under Herc's guidance to the cookie cart, Aaron turning to them.

"Everyone give me a dollar and i'll order the cookies for everyone."

"Chocolate chip," Hercules said, pulling out the dollar from his wallet.

"Coffee," Lafayette and John both requested.

"Vanilla iced anything," Alexander said, fishing out some change from his back pocket, glancing at John as he started holding back a laugh.

"What?"

"Vanilla boy," John giggled, Alexander feeling a grin tug at the corners of his mouth without him thinking.

"Very funny."

"Like I said- your kinks can't be that bad," John repeated, shaking his head and laughing a bit. "I won't stop calling you vanilla boy."

"You have been warned," Alex shook his head, looking over at Aaron, who was speaking to the cookie cart vendor.

"Ma'am, what would you like?"

"Um, it's sir… I'd like a sugar cookie, a chocolate chip cookie, two coffee cookies, and a sugar cookie with vanilla ice cream."

"Here you go, ma'am."

"It's sir," Aaron corrected her, taking his bag of cookies and clenching his jaw, going back to his friends.

"You okay?" Alexander asked him, sending a glare at the vendor. Aaron nodded, looking back at her- another person had dropped their apron next to the vendor and shot a glare at her, then started walking to the group.

"Sorry about her. Breta's a dick. She misgenders me all the time too." The person said. "I'm Theodosia," They introduced themself- Aaron shook their outstretched hand, smiling.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Aaron, and these are my friends Alex, John, Hercules, and Lafayette."

"Cool- oh, wait, I go to the same school as you guys. Hercules is in my English class."

"Oh yeah," Hercules said, smiling.

"We were coming to see a movie, you wanna join us?" Aaron bounced on his heels, waiting for their response.

"Yeah, what movie?"

"Moana." Aaron responded, grinning.

"Sounds great." Theodosia said, smiling and then following them to the steps up to the movie theatre. Alexander took his cookie from Aaron, everyone else doing the same but John, who was saving his for later.

"Are you alright? You look uncomfortable." Alex whispered to John, who was remarkably tired-looking and nervous at the same time.

"Yeah, there's just… lots of noise," John whispered back, looking around at the bright movie posters and the people chattering all around them.

"That's fair." Alex remarked, not thinking much of the comment. "Do you want a soda or something?" Alex asked, pulling out his wallet to hand Aaron his money for the movie ticket.

"No, i've got a headache, I don't really want to drink anything right now." He explained, Alexander nodding and passing the money to Aaron.

"D'you need some painkillers? Aaron's got some."

"No, i'll be fine," John said, shaking his head and taking the ticket Alexander handed to him, walking with him to the theatre and going up to the seats with everyone.

Alex noticed maybe halfway through the movie that John was swinging his legs back and forth, carefully as to not hit the chair in front of him. As soon as John realized that Alex was watching him, he steeled his legs and stopped swinging them, Alex directing his attention away so John could do whatever he was doing peacefully.

The movie ended too soon in Alex's opinion, John getting up as people started talking loudly. Alexander watched him half-speedwalk down to the bathroom, getting up to follow him.

Alex shoved open the door to the bathroom, finding John leaning against the wall and rubbing his forehead, as he hadn't bothered to lock the door.

"Are you alright?"

"Too much noise," John repeated his previous statement.

"Do you want to go home?"

"Yeah." John mumbled, curling his knees to his chest. Alexander leaned over and pressed the back of his hand to John's forehead, finding it sickly warm.

"Alright, i'll call a taxi." Alex said, extending a hand out to John for him to pull himself up with.

John followed him out of the bathroom to outside, Alexander feeling him cling to him by his sweater sleeve, sitting down next to a bush and messing with the branches while Alex stood five feet away and called a taxi on his phone.

Alex kicked at the stones on the concrete for a few moments while his phone dialed.

"I need a Taxi outside the Redstone Mall?" Alex requested through his phone, the person on the other end responding quickly.

"Alright, be there in five." Alex jammed his phone back into his pocket, going to sit by John.

"Can you tell me more about animals?" Alex mumbled, hoping to lift John's mood by letting him talk about something he loved.

"Yep." John responded, grinning a little and reaching into the bush, pulling out a small lizard.

"This guy's an oriental garden lizard, you can tell he's a male because he's got the red patch on his throat and it's breeding season." He let the small lizard crawl over his hand, holding out his hand to Alex palm-up so he could see the lizard. "They're quite big, as you can tell, they're usually around fourteen inches though this one seems to be thirteen. They're insectivores, and they like to sit like he is right now to wait for bugs to fly in front of them."

"Can I hold him?" Alex asked, staring at the tiny lizard. John passed him carefully, rubbing his head once the lizard had been transferred.

"So how many animals have you researched?"

"I've looked up a lot, so I have basic knowledge on a lot of animals. I also know some about plants, but animals tend to be more fascinating since they're cuter and socially interact." Alexander nodded, looking up when he heard a taxi car honk its horn.

Alex pushed himself up, reaching out to pull John up yet again, shoving down the little butterflies in his stomach he got whenever he physically interacted with John. He went over and opened the door for him, crawling in after him and not even bothering with a seatbelt. He told the taxi driver John's address and then leaned back and looked over at John, who was tangling and untangling his fingers from each other.

Alexander was thankful when the car ride passed quickly, as John seemed to be getting more and more uncomfortable by the minute. He fished out some money to give the cab driver quickly, then pulled John into his house when he arrived and then took him up to his bedroom, where he sat him down on his bed.

Alexander went and retrieved the makeup wipes, rubbing the concealer off of John's freckles and then putting his piercing on the bedside table so it wouldn't get lost.

"PJ's?" John asked, yawning. Alex went and dug through the PJ drawer- John seemed to really like pastel colors like light blue and purple, he noted- he found the turtle pajamas in his drawer and handed them to him, walking out of the room for a moment to allow John some privacy.

He turned to look at John's door, which was decorated with art. He noted the sketches of people John was friends with- Hercules, Lafayette, even a few of himself he saw. There were no self portraits at all. John also had hung up drawings of animals with everything he knew about them written around the drawings, which were quite fascinating.

"I'm good," John shouted from inside, Alexander pushing open the door and then going over to John at his bed, smiling a bit at how tired he was.

Alexander pulled back John's covers and helped him curl up under them, standing for a moment over the bundled-up boy and wondering if he should leave, before John cracked his eye open and then lifted up the edge of the blanket so Alexander could climb in.

 _This is a totally platonic thing, John does not like you,_ Alex reminded himself as he crawled in with him and then settled in easily, able to pinpoint the exact moment John fell asleep from the way his breathing slowed and his arms stopped tensing.


	8. Chapter 8

**So I had a panic attack at school and I wasn't sure i'd be able to write anything but here it is. It's really short, sorry, but enjoy the 700 words I managed to do**

"John is absolutely hitting on you," Eliza argued, sipping on her milkshake.

"Okay, maybe- but I don't want to pressure him into a relationship. He literally just got out of an abusive one," Alex shot back, clinking his spoon into the empty ice cream bowl.

"I suppose that's fair, but one of the best ways to recover from an abusive relationship is to find out how a good one should be," Maria piped up, pointing at Alex accusingly with her spoon.

"Everyone is different, Maria," Alex pointed out. "John doesn't seem to be anything like you- I don't mean that offensively to either of you-"

"Is John autistic? He acts a lot like Pegster," Eliza mused, looking at Maria.

"Hasn't said a word about it if he is," Alexander responded, shrugging. "But it's not even positive if he wanted a relationship when he started dating Francis, he might've been pressured into it. Like I said: he's unlikely to want a relationship now."

"Alright. But if he asks you out-"

"I'll say yes." Alexander responded, sighing. Maria and Eliza high-fived at Alex's admittal.

"Sorry for interrupting your date. I'll go now," Alex said, sliding out of the booth and going out of the ice cream parlor onto the street. Alexander watched a few cars pass before turning around and walking on the sidewalk back in the direction of his house. The wind started picking up, whipping his hair around his face. He reached into his pocket for his hair band, tying it up in a pony tail to keep it out of his eyes- Alexander noted, with some nervousness, that some storm clouds were rolling in.

He got progressively closer to his house, hearing the storm pick up around him, his anxiety spiking with it. A few sprinkles of water pecked his face, blurring his glasses as well.

 _Bzzzz._ Alex felt his phone buzz in his back pocket, pulling out and opening the messages app.

[turtle boi] are you okay

[turtle boi] i mean i know you dont like storms

[turtle boi] the forecast says its gonna thunder soon

[turtle boi] do you want me to come over?

[hamsandwich] yeah that'd be nice :

Alexander smiled as he shut off his phone and shoved it back into his pocket, opening the door to his house and going inside. He waited a few moments, tapping his foot on the floor while waiting for John to show up. He could hear thunder outside, shaking the ground a bit and making Alex's heart beat pick up.

He didn't have to wait very long, John rang the doorbell repeatedly until Alex opened the door to find John holding a pair of headphones. He'd clearly thrown on clothes as the oversized sweater and jeans were haphazard, and his hair was sloppily held back in a messy bun.

"Er… I brought my soundproof headphones, since you probably won't wanna hear the thunder…" John awkwardly stuttered, holding them out to him. Alexander blinked, looking down at the headphones John was holding out and unable to help the grin that tugged at his mouth as he took them.

"That's really sweet, John." He mumbled, looking up at him. John scratched the back of his head, face flushing a bit.

"It's nothing. Do you have a place you usually go when it gets stormy, or…"

"I usually hide under my covers."

John nodded, looking out the window to see the first few raindrops splatter against the glass, taking Alex's arm and leading him to his own room.

"Thanks, John." Alex whispered, looking up at him, John smiling at him and sitting him down on the bed. He took the headphones back from Alexander and put them over Alex's ears, turning on the settings so they could block the noise.

John said something to him, but Alex couldn't hear it. John nodded, satisfied, and glanced around briefly before getting Alex his phone from his bedside table when he spotted it.

Alexander unlocked his phone, letting John set up the bed and then pull Alex back so he was laying down and pulling up the covers to smother both of them.

Alex sat happily, tucked up into John's side, for quite a while. He could flick the little tetris pieces into place, unable to hear a thing, happily oblivious. Occasionally, thunder would shake him, and he'd whimper despite trying not to, and John would squeeze him closer.

He wasn't sure exactly when, but he accidentally fell asleep, safely lodged in John's side under warm blankets.


	9. Chapter 9

**This is a set-up chapter so the next chapter can have a starter, i just couldn't find a way to connect the two in a single chapter. also a thing happened with my crush (we sang bend and snap and he did the bend and snap) so like... the gay was leaking out of my ears. here you go**

It was a weekend. Time to relax, unwind after a long weekend, text his friends some.

 _Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzt!_ John's text tone four times in a few seconds.

[turtle boi] i mean, i just, rlly wanna kiss alex he's so nice and understanding and i just love him

[turtle boi] SHIT

[turtle boi] I SENT THAT TO THE WRONG PERSON

[turtle boi] DON'T READ TJAT

Alexander snorted at the typo, pushing himself up and reading through the rest of the texts John sent him before, widening his eyes at the screen.

[hamsandwich] john its cool i like you too

[turtle boi] wait huh

[hamsandwich] i like you a lot

[turtle boi] oh my

[turtle boi] umm do you wanna go on a date sometime then

[hamsandwich] does tomorrow work actually?

[turtle boi] MHM

[turtle boi] for lunch?

[hamsandwich] sure!

[turtle boi] see you then?

[hamsandwich] yep :)

Alexander set his phone down on his chest, grinning and then covering his face with his hands, then picking his phone back up again.

[hamsandwich] A-A-RON

[hamsandwich] john asked me out

[butthead] holy shit

Alexander felt happy laughter escape his mouth, squeezing his phone tight to his chest again.


	10. Chapter 10

**yikes this is really gay**

 **just like meeeeeeeeee**

 **i flirted with my crush and he flirted back like woo! I'm so gay that me mr. gay. warm and soft like mash potato but also gay. like this chapter**

Alex tapped his foot next to the gas pedal, waiting anxiously for John to come out of his house. He'd been waiting for lunchtime all day, even though he'd neglected to wear something nicer than his regular blocky sweaters and jeans.

John walked out of his house, looking around nervously before he spotted Alex's car. He waved shyly, walking over to his car. Alex grinned at him, glad that John had ditched black and grey shirts for the pastel blue one he was currently wearing.

John walked around the side of the car, getting into the passenger's seat and looking over at Alex.

"So where are we going?"

"I'm not super hungry, how about coffee?" Alex suggested. "There's a really nice LGBT-friendly bakery down near the library."

"Sounds great," John responded, grinning at him. Alex flushed, turning back to the wheel and then starting to drive towards it.

It took a total of about five minutes, which John seemed to have spaced out during- maybe there _was_ a reason John didn't have a driver's license, he really didn't seem to be able to focus.

Alex tapped his shoulder, smiling at him.

"Hey, we're here." John jumped, a bit startled, laughing a bit and then unbuckling his seatbelt.

"D'you know anyone who works here?" John asked, looking over at Alexander as he got out of the car. They started walking the short distance into it, John bumping his hand against Alexander's. Alex didn't wait to evaluate the signal- he just grabbed John's hand.

"Yeah, Lafayette works here actually," Alexander answered, walking into the coffee shop with John.

"Bonsoir!" Lafayette shouted from the counter, blinking at them rapidly as he took in the sight of the two holding hands.

"We're on a date," Alexander explained to Lafayette, going up to the counter with John still holding his hand.

"Et mon cul c'est du poulet," Lafayette responded, shaking his head. "Désolé, excusez-moi. Votre commande s'il vous plait?"

"I'll just have a plain coffee," John responded, Alexander offhandedly registering that John knew french.

"I'll have a vanilla bean frappuccino." Alex told Lafayette, looking at John in confusion when he started snickering.

"Vanilla boy."

"Goddamnit," Alex muttered, laughing at John's antics. Lafayette handed them their drinks, sighing.

"You two… are too sweet." He stated, shaking his head at them and then going into the back room.

Alex walked to one of the empty tables, sitting down across from John.

"So how are you?" Alex asked, sipping on his coffee and looking over at him.

"I've been pretty good. I'm glad I accidentally sent you that text," He mumbled, laughing a little.

"I am too, definitely." Alex replied, propping his chin up on one of his hands. John looked over at him, seemingly floundering for something to talk away before coming up with something quickly.

"When's your birthday?"

"January eleventh, you?" Alex responded.

"October 28."

"Favorite musical?" Alexander asked, tilting his head and waiting for an answer.

"Probably Legally Blonde," He mused, thinking.

"What, you like musicals about white girls getting into colleges despite having no qualifications?"

"Elle deserved better than Warner and she needed to go solve cases about whipping your way to tighter buns before she realized it." John replied, gesturing to Alexander with his drink.

"True. And it _does_ have catchy songs, like-"

"Bend and snap?"

"Of course you like the song about butts." Alex teased, snorting.

"Oh come on-"

"It's not like I haven't caught you staring at mine before." Alexander pointed out, quirking his eyebrow in John's direction, John ducking his head and flushing.

"So what's _your_ favorite musical?"

"That's a hard one, but probably In The Heights," Alexander responded, smiling.

"Oh, that one's really good. Breathe's my favorite song, definitely," John piped up, smiling.

"Mmm… do you wanna walk around outside and keep talking? I feel like Lafayette is judging us from the security cameras.

"Yep. Let's go," John said, flipping off the security camera before walking out of the shop with Alex.

Alex took John's hand again as they started walking down the sidewalk, looking around at the lights and bushes lining the streets.

"What's ideal weather to you?" John inquired, looking over at Alex and squeezing tighter to his side to hide from the cold surrounding them.

"I'd say warm rain, like the stuff they have in Florida."

"Then why don't you live in Florida?" John asked curiously, shivering against his side.

"Well, there's a couple reasons. First and foremost is that Florida is-"

"Fucking insane." John finished for him, laughing.

The sky was getting darker and darker, but neither of them seemed to mind as they wandered aimlessly.

"Favorite ice cream flavor?"

"Honey," John responded, Alex looking at him oddly.

"You've never had it before?" John asked, squinting at him. "You're missing out on life."

"We can have it later or something," Alex clarified, grinning.

"Alright. It will happen." John sounded determined.

They both walked around, shooting questions back and forth and huddling together for warmth until it was completely dark and they had to start heading home.

"I had fun tonight, Alex." John said, looking over at Alex as they got into the car. Alexander grinned back at him, flipping the car's heater on so they could warm up.

"I had fun, too." Alex responded, leaving the engine on for a few minutes so the car could defrost itself before driving.

"John?" Alex mumbled, looking over at John and leaning over to him, John looking at him, looking completely at ease. "Can I kiss you?" Alexander finished his sentence, John blinking rapidly before nodding quickly, Alexander ditching his seatbelt and climbing over the compartment between the two seats to settle himself to be straddling John's lap, leaning forward slightly to brush his lips against John's gently, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. John returned it carefully, Alexander running his tongue along the inner edge of John's lip, feeling John's fingers tangle into his hair as he parted his lips. He let one of his hands slide under John's shirt to run over the smooth muscles in his back, adjusting his sitting position slightly-

The sound of an ambulance alarm startled them both, awkwardly laughing as Alex returned to his seat and put his seatbelt back on.

"Do you wanna go on a second date at some point?" John asked, looking over at Alex.

"Obviously," Alex replied, grinning at him. "We both need to go home, though." John nodded and leaned back in his seat while Alex started driving him home.


	11. Chapter 11

**i have no excuse. this is just fluff. my crush kinda flirted with me? i'll keep you all posted**

"John?" Alex mumbled, rolling over as the deafening screech of John's alarm clock ripped him out of unconsciousness.

"Hmmmph," was his only response.

"Turn the alarm off, please, I can't reach it."

John groaned, rolling over to slam the off button on his alarm clock and then curling up next to Alex again. Alex huffed out quiet laughter, sitting up and looking at John, reaching out and ruffling his hair.

"It's not a school day, we can sleep in." John said, rolling back over to look at Alex, grabbing his shirt and tugging him back down, Alexander smiling and settling back down next to him,

 _BZZZZ! BZZZZ!_ John grumbled, sitting up and grabbing his phone, Alexander glancing up at him.

"Who is it?" He yawned, rolling onto his back and stretching his arms above his head while John read the texts.

"Aaron," John responded, smiling at the text message. "Apparently he's off on a date with Theo and James."

"James Madison?"

"Yeah."

"So he's poly. Cool," Alex climbed into John's lap and sprawled out, looking up at him.

"D'you wanna do anything today?"

"Mmm," Alex responded, tucking his face into John's stomach, feeling John pull the covers up over him and rake his fingers through Alex's hair.

Alex hadn't realized he'd fallen back asleep, at least until he woke up to the sound of John's kitten snores. He sat up, kissing John's forehead before climbing out of bed- it was only 11AM, but still much later than Alex usually got up.

"Come back, you're warm," John groaned, sitting up and looking over at Alex, his hair falling around his face and onto his shoulders.

"We have to get up at some point, John."

"Noooooooooo," John responded, slamming the pillow over his face and screaming into it. Alexander huffed a laugh, pulling the pillow off of his face.

"C'mon, get up," Alex teased, holding out a hand for John to pull himself up with. John groaned, getting up and reaching for his nightstand, where a hairband had been casually tossed. He pulled his hair back, looking at Alex.

"D'you wanna go ice skating or something? It's getting cold, the rink's probably open." John said, yawning and opening his closet, pulling on jeans over the boxers he'd slept in.

"That might make us the most clichè gay couple on the planet, but sure." John laughed in response, pulling on a green hoodie over his PJ shirt.

"Where's my wallet?"

"Your sock drawer, probably." John retrieved it, shoving it in his pocket.

"Let's go," John said, kissing his cheek. Alexander took his hand, going out the door and down the stairs to the front door, walking out to the street. Tiny flurries of snow were piling up on the ground, dusting their hair with the white powder. Alexander scooted closer to John on the sidewalk to keep up the warmth, John chuckling and wrapping an arm around him to keep him warm.

Alexander sighed in relief, walking with John down the few blocks they'd need to travel to the ice rink. He was comfortably nestled into John's side, their hips knocking together as they walked, keeping each other warm.

They arrived at the ice rink, tiny glittering light bulbs lining all of the trees. Alex sat down on a bench, starting to take his shoes off.

"I'll go get us ice skates," John declared, running off to the little shack where they rented them out. Alexander wrestled off his tennis shoes, looking up at the skates John held out to him and shoving them onto his feet.

"Have you skated before?" John asked, carefully balancing on the blades on the flat ground, not on the ice yet.

"Er… no." Alex admitted, John grinning.

"I get to teach you then. I took figure skating lessons when I was younger." John hauled him to his feet, carefully leading him to the ice, then directing him to the railing so he could hold on while he figured out how ice skates worked. John slid by him, grinning mischeviously.

"You trust me, right?"

"Not with that face," Alex responded, trying to push himself forward with the ice skates, unsuccessful.

"Come on, take my hands." John said, holding them out to Alex. Alexander shrugged, grabbing his hands and screaming when John immediately started dragging him around the whole ice rink, laughing madly.

"Please slow down," Alexander squeaked, pulling himself closer to John for more stability, practically clinging to his chest, which only allowed John to go faster.

"Why would I do that? John teased, spinning Alex around and making him shriek- Alex clutched onto his arm, laughing nervously. "I'm gonna let you go now."

"What?!" Alex shouted, squeezing his grip on John's arm tighter.

"Three, two, one!" John let go of Alex and pried his fingers from his arm, skating several feet away. "Now try to skate to me."

Alex wobbled for a second, trying to figure out how the ice skates worked, before inevitably falling onto his butt, yelping.

"You should put some ice on that," John laughed, drifting over to him to pull him up. "You alright, though?"

"Mmhmm. My butt hurts, though." Alex complained, John smiling and taking his arm to pull him towards the actual solid land.

"Do you want to get something to eat?" John asked, Alexander nodding and sitting down on the edge of the rink, taking off his shoes and then leaning his head against John, who was seated next to him.

"You're gonna have to carry me," Alex mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face in John's shoulder.


	12. Chapter 12

**my gc2b binder came in the mail I'm so happy** **aaaaaaaaaa**

 **being a trans boy is fun bc binders are like nice, gentle hugs that follow you around all day. its ideal really**

Washington was glaring at them. Alex supposed that it was fair.

In the four months he and John had been dating, they'd winked at each other, thrown notes across the room at each other, partnered up in his class and just messed around with each other instead of doing the work.

"Both of you," Washington started, shaking his head. "It's absolutely fine that you're dating. I don't care that you're gay. But you have to stop fucking around in my class." He snapped at them, John clearly trying hard to keep a straight (ha) face.

"Sorry, sir." Alexander replied, directing his gaze down to his desk work. There was hardly 15 minutes left in class, and his was the last class of the day. He could suffer through it and then go home and curl up next to John and watch youtube videos.

He scrawled his name at the top of the paper, writing out the answers to the questions. He could hear John swinging his feet back and forth, kicking the bottom of his chair every few seconds. He could almost _hear_ Jefferson scowling at John.

"Will you fucking stop that?" He heard Jefferson snap at John. John flushed, embarrassed, planting his feet on the floor to keep himself from moving them. Alex looked over at Jefferson, glaring.

"That's just something he does. Leave him alone," Alexander glared, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"He does that all the time? No wonder he's so annoying." Jefferson sneered, turning back to his desk. Alexander felt rage bubbling up in his stomach, Aaron's voice chiming in his head.

 _Talk less. Smile more._

He sighed, rubbing his forehead and then turning to whisper to John.

"You okay? It's not annoying."

"I'm alright," John mumbled, his face flushed with embarrassment. Alex jumped as the bell rang, grabbing all of his stuff and jamming it into his folder, standing up and waiting for John.

They walked out of the room together, Thomas purposefully bumping into John's shoulder. Alex took John's hand and led him away from Jefferson, out the doors and to the fountain outside the school, sitting him down on the edge of it.

"You aren't bothered by him, right? Because he's just an asshole." Alexander firmly stated, John nodding.

"Alright." Alexander said, sighing and looking around, then running his hands through his hair, waiting for John to stand back up so they could walk back to Alex's house.

"Math's getting easier for you, right?" Alexander asked, taking John's hand.

"Yeah. Thanks for the help," John responded, grinning over at him, but his grin faltered a bit.

"John, something's wrong, are you alright?" Alexander pushed open the door, holding it open so John could walk in.

"I got diagnosed with autism yesterday." John managed to maintain a monotonous voice, walking up the stairs with Alexander.

"That would explain a lot," Alexander mused, pulling John into a hug and bouncing on his toes to reach him better. "I just want you to know that you're still the same John, just with a new label. It doesn't change how I feel about you whatsoever."

He felt John squeeze him tighter, an odd laugh-sob coming out of his throat as he rested his head on Alexander's shoulder.

Alex shuffled into his room, still holding John in his arms as he sat down on the bottom bunk of his bed with him. He rubbed John's back, smiling at him until he stopped shaking from nervousness.

"Anything you need from me, John- anything at all- and i'll help you, however I can."

 **if you wanna spew some shit in the comments about my choices with John's character then you can fight me because I'm autistic and just want some representation mkay**

 **on the other hand comments are definitely appreciated! they make my day!**


	13. Chapter 13

**there is! smut! in this chapter! be warned! goodness!**

"All three of you are adorable," John commented to Aaron, Theo, and James babying each other across the table at the restaurant.

"Thanks," Aaron flushed as Theo squeezed him in a sideways hug, Alexander giggling at them all, amused.

The two couples chatted for a few more minutes, Alexander finding his gaze continuously wandering back to John- how his eyes twinkled, how his face flushed slightly and illuminated his freckles, his slightly crooked teeth highlighting his adorable face. He'd stopped wearing makeup sometime last month.

Alexander could hear the waiter tapping his foot, waiting for them to leave so he could end his shift. Alex had sympathy for the guy, since he'd spent a lot of time in his retail-worker days dealing with customers who didn't want to leave.

"I think we should go, the restaurant is closing soon. It was lovely seeing you three," Alexander said, getting up from his chair and smiling at them. John scooted his chair out, looking around.

"Yeah, the music's a bit loud here, too."

"You alright?"

"Yep," John replied, smiling at Alexander. He felt his entire body warm up as John flashed him the toothy grin, taking his hand as they started walking out of the restaurant back home. Aaron, Theo, and James waved goodbye from the table, wrapping up their conversation. It was silent outside for a few moments besides the pattering of their footsteps on the ground and the wind swirling around them, until John spoke up.

"So as you know, we're graduating from high school next month."

"Yep," Alexander entwined his fingers with John's tighter in an attempt to keep himself warm.

"My dad's kicking me out of the house as soon as I graduate and he says I need to get an apartment," John started explaining slowly, Alex nodding.

"My foster parents are giving me until January, when I turn nineteen, to find my own place."

"Yeah- so we've been dating for a while, and I was figuring-"

"Easier to live in the same apartment since rent will be easier?"

"Bingo," John responded, his face flushing a bit.

"I'll call a few of the places i've been looking at," Alex said, bouncing up onto the tips of his toes so he could reach to kiss John's cheek.

"Alright," John replied, happiness leaking out with his voice as he opened the door to his house. Henry glared at them from over on the couch, John squeezing his hand tighter as they walked up the stairs to his room.

Alexander went and sat down on the bed, unbuckling his belt as John tossed pajama pants at him before changing into his own- they'd both gotten comfortable enough to do this sort of thing.

Alex shuffled into the bed, John climbing in next to him. Alex rolled over to look at John, feeling his heart explode when John looked over at him with the most positively lovey-dovey expression.

The mattress shifted under both of them when Alex sat up, leaning over John and hovering hardly an inch above his face.

"Can I kiss you?" Alex whispered, John reaching up to grab his shirt collar and pull him the rest of the way down to connect their lips. Alex grinned happily against his mouth, carefully letting his body press down on John's without crushing him.

John wasn't comfortable with sex quite yet from what he'd told Alex, but boy, was he comfortable with being handsy. Alexander _definitely_ did not mind as he felt John's hands poke up under his shirt and run his hands over the chubbiness that Alex was usually self-conscious about.

He felt John suddenly push him up to a sitting position, re- adjusting himself to sit in Alex's lap, keeping their lips pressed together as he tangled his hands into Alexander's hair.

Alex felt John tug his shirt up, helping him wrestle it over his head and then discard it to the floor. He was expecting John to rejoin their mouths and was a bit shocked but pleased when he instead felt lips on his neck. Alexander gasped and bit his lip when he felt John bite, then move down his neck to leave more and more tiny bite marks.

"Alex?" John mumbled into his skin, Alexander nodding.

"Yes?"

"I think i'm ready… to, um…"

"Are you sure, John?" Alexander whispered, pulling back and looking at John in the eyes to see if he could tell in his facial expression that he was lying.

John nodded, a smile breaking across his face, Alexander leaning forward to kiss his forehead as he blushed.

"I have stuff in my backpack. I'll go get it, one second."

"Stuff?"

"Lube and condoms," Alex explained, John nodding and scooting out of Alex's lap so he could stand up to grab the backpack.

"What's lube?" John's voice came from the bed, squinting at Alexander as he dug in the secret compartment in his backpack.

"You don't know what lube is?" Alexander asked incredulously, looking up at him as he pulled out the bottle and a condom.

"I...no? No one told me I had to know this," John responded, flushing as Alexander quirked his eyebrow.

"It's alright, John," Alexander said, climbing up onto the bed and sitting on his knees. "So your asshole isn't self lubricating, and friction is _not_ a synonym for fun."

"And lube does...?"

"It keeps you from having your ass hurt for a week straight."

"I take it you've had that happen before?"

"Never again." Alex shuddered, John huffing out quiet laughter. "Okay, that's all I think you really need to know for now, but if you want me to stop at any point, tell me." He scooted forward and started pulling at John's shirt, John lifting his hands up to let him tug it over his head, Alexander pushing him down to the mattress gently. John was absolutely beaming, his face flushed red as he rubbed his hands up Alexander's back.

Alexander pressed a kiss to John's jaw, then sat up and started unbuckling his belt. John squirmed under his touch, Alex looking back at him with his hands still wrapped around the belt.

"You alright?" Alexander asked, frowning- John nodded, running a hand through his hair.

"Mmm. You just surprised me," John rasped out, Alexander undoing the rest of John's belt and then pulling his pants off in one swift motion. John pushed himself up, reaching out towards Alexander, Alexander grinning and letting John unbuckle his belt for him.

"Are you still comfortable?" Alexander asked John as he slipped his pants off and tossed them to the floor.

"Mhmm," John responded, falling back on the bed and wiggling off his underwear, Alexander sitting back and admiring the sight of John sprawled out, half underneath him, with his face entirely flushed.

"Stop staring, Alex," John said, pulling himself up using Alexander as his tether, Alexander wrapping his hands around John's waist as John pressed their mouths together gently, Alex reaching over and grabbing the bottle of lube. He applied a generous amount to his thumb, then quickly flipping John's legs up over his shoulders and pressing the finger against his entrance.

John gasped audibly, Alex feeling his fingers dig into his back. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to regulate his breathing a bit.

"You still sure?" Alexander clarified, looking at him and shifting a little to let John get more comfortable.

"Yes, i'm sure," John responded, feeling his nails dig into his skin as Alexander slowly pushed his thumb into John. John let out a low moan, relaxing and drooping on the bed, staring up at Alex with a positively dopey expression.

Alex pumped his finger in and out until John was comfortably stretched out enough, then positioned himself over John properly, looking at him and smiling.

"You still sure?"

"Mmmmmph," John nodded up at Alexander, Alexander pushing in and driving out a longer moan from John, his skin heating up under Alexander's touch. Alexander pulled John's head up to connect their mouths, feeling one of John's moans tingle his throat, biting on his lip-

"Alex, wait," John started, Alexander instantly pulling away and sitting up next to him.

"Mhm?"

"I...can we stop," John requested, his breath shuddering. Alexander nodded, grabbing John's underwear from the floor and helping him wiggle it on, then pulling on his own underwear and grabbing a PJ shirt for John, sitting down next to him again as he pulled the shirt over his head.

"Did I do anything that made you uncomfortable?"

"No, I just… started thinking about Francis, and I-" Alexander pulled the blankets up over John, cleaning up the room a little bit and then climbing in next to him, rubbing his shoulder up and down and holding John to his chest to keep him warm.

"Do you want to talk about him?"

"Yeah," John mumbled, tucking his head into Alexander's chest and quivering a bit. Alex rubbed his shoulders, running his fingers through John's hair.

"I, well… Francis never actually had sex with me but he'd pressure me to no end," John whispered, Alexander "mhm-ing" along to everything he said, calming him down through the tiny sobs. John's breathing slowly calmed down, breathing in time with Alex and eventually slowing down, Alexander smiling at his sleeping face.

The warm feeling he got when looking at John was overwhelming as he squeezed him tighter to his chest, sighing in content.

It suddenly hit Alex, as he was about to fall asleep, that he was going to need to buy a diamond ring.


	14. Chapter 14

Alexander felt John groan and shift in his arms as he woke up. Somewhere downstairs, John's father slammed a door- he felt John jump beside him, pulling the covers up around himself to hide. Alexander pulled him close to his chest, tracing circles in his shoulder as he slowly stopped shaking. It was kind of routine at this point, but it broke Alexander's heart a little bit every time John showed a sign of his father's abuse.

John curled up closer to Alex, trying to close in on himself as they both heard his father's heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. Alexander started sitting up, briefly realizing that he didn't have his shirt on and John's love bites were very clearly visible, falling back to the mattress and pulling the covers up to cover both of them as his father flung the door open and slammed it against the wall.

"John, get up." Henry almost growled, John reluctantly climbing out of the covers and facing his father, visibly trembling as Alex watched his gaze flit over his son's marked torso. Henry made a sound of distaste, looking between them.

"It was your birthday two months ago, Jack." Henry stated, glaring. "You're nineteen. Your... _boyfriend,"_ Henry almost gagged on the word, Alexander forcing down the boiling pit of anger. "Is almost nineteen. You have a week to get an apartment and get out of my house, or you can sleep on the streets." His father turned tail and walked out of the room, Alexander getting up to go to John's side.

"You aren't going to sleep on the streets, I promise. I know a bunch of apartments we can go check out tomorrow." Alexander said, bouncing up on his tiptoes to kiss John's cheek.

"I have an errand to do today, do you mind if I leave you for an hour or two?" Alexander asked, looking up at John's freckled face.

"Yeah, that's fine," John responded, sounding a little disappointed that Alex would have to leave him for a few hours. Alex was almost positive that John wouldn't be disappointed by what the errand _was._

"Okay, I'll… see you in an hour or so, then!" Alex called, walking out the door and down the stairs, grinning with pent-up nervousness.

"So what are we doing?" Lafayette complained from the back of the car, propping his legs up on the back of Herc's seat.

"I have an idea," Alex drew out his words, pulling up into a parking lot and then taking a space.

"What is it?" Lafayette asked after a slight pause, looking over at Alexander.

"I'm going to propose to John."

"De merde," Lafayette gasped, getting out of the car. "And you're having me help you pick a ring?"

"Well, yeah. You seem to be good at accessories, so…"

"I have you covered," Lafayette responded, grinning at him. "As long as you're proposing in public and I get to see his reaction."

"It's a deal, but I still have no clue how to actually propose."

"Brainstorm as we shop." Laf resolved, walking through the spinning doors into the building.

Alexander knew immediately that the things in the front of the store were not worth looking at- far, far too expensive. He instead had to steer himself past all of the glittering jewels in the front towards way in the back.

"John probably wouldn't get anything done if he had something sparkly to look at all the time anyway," Alex remarked to Lafayette, who nodded his agreement.

"Shopping for an engagement ring, sir?" a clerk asked from behind one of the glass counters.

"Uh… yeah. I have a really low budget, if that's alright."

"Absolutely," the clerk responded, smiling at him as he glanced over the assortment of rings. "What's the budget?"

"Under two hundred, if that's feasible." Alexander responded, feeling the pit of dread grow in his stomach as _that_ question grew closer.

"So what's your girlfriend into?"

"...Boyfriend. I'm shopping for my boyfriend."

To the clerk's credit, she didn't pause for too long.

"Ah… okay. So what's he into?" Alexander felt himself sigh in relief, looking around at the rings.

"His favorite color is green, he's an artist, and he's gotten more modest."

"Hmm… well, engagement rings usually aren't colored, but let me see what we have." The clerk disappeared into a back room, Lafayette beaming over at him.

"So when are you going to propose?"

"Asap. I can't wait," Alex replied, laughing nervously.

"He's going to say yes. Trust me. Don't be worried about it, Alexander." Alexander smiled at him thankfully, the clerk clearing her throat to get their attention.

"Emeralds are actually less expensive than diamonds, so this one is by default cheaper. It's quite simple, just an emerald in a star shape on a metal band." Alexander reached out to hold it, twirling it around in his hands.

"Yeah. This is perfect," Alexander said, unable to help the grin tugging up the corners of his mouth.

"Alright, i'll box it up for you and then you can pay at the counter. Thanks for shopping here," The clerk said, taking the ring and carrying it back to a different counter as Alexander and Lafayette walked back to the counter, Alexander bouncing on his heels.

After he'd exited the store with the velvet-covered tiny box in his hands, he still couldn't believe what he was going to do. His entire body felt numb and more alive than it's ever been all at once.

"I think I might just go home and do it," Alexander said, getting into the car and setting down the box carefully, Lafayette looking over at him.

"Whatever makes you happy, Alex." Laf said, settling into his seat and buckling the seatbelt.

….

John was clueless. He was absolutely unaware of the tiny box in Alexander's pocket, he was entirely unaware of what Alex was about to do. And Alex loved it.

John was curled up in his side, his chest gently rising and falling. Alexander had an arm casually strung around him and they were both under a fluffy blanket.

Alex did know he had to get up at some point. And it's better now than never.

He heard John whine as he started to get up, patting the top of his head.

"I have something to give you," Alexander cut off his whine gently, turning to him from where he now stood.

"Mhmmm?" John asked, sitting up and removing the blanket from around his legs.

"I love you. A lot, John. Every time I see you, a little pang goes through my chest, and people say i'm talented with words but I can't seem to find the right ones when I talk to you." Alexander watched John's expression carefully, how it went from confusion to the sudden realization as Alexander reached behind him and started kneeling.

"I...I can't imagine a world where you aren't here, with me." Alexander squeaked, pulling the box out and showing it to John as he flipped it open. "I wish I could've proposed somewhere more special but I really couldn't wa-" John stumbled down from his seat on the couch to be level with Alexander, his face flushed as Alexander continued.

"Marry me?"

"Yes," John whispered, clearly unable to think too clearly. Alexander took his hand, sliding the ring onto his finger and then kissing the back of his hand. He dropped his knee so he was sitting completely on the ground across from John, smiling at him.

"I love you. I can't say it enough." Alexander said, grinning as John pushed himself forward to connect his and Alexander's lips, tangling his newly-adorned hand into Alexander's hair.


	15. Chapter 15

**This fic has been a wild ride, but I'm glad it's done now. There will be a sequel don't worry. Leave me a review please! I love you all 3**

It had been three months. Since they had graduated, since they had moved out into this tiny four-room apartment, and three months since John's father had stopped speaking to them.

Alex assumed he'd woken up because of the notable absence of warmth next to him, groaning as he reached for John and instead found empty sheets.

"John?" he called out, rolling over to the edge of the bed and then getting up.

"Yeah?" John asked, peeking his head through the bedroom door, his hair down and wild around his face.

"Oh, I was just wondering where you were," Alexander responded, going over to John and wrapping his arms around his waist. He felt John rest his chin on his shoulder, humming quietly.

"How much money do we have for this month?" John asked, looking over at Alexander.

"We have fifty four dollars." Alexander said, watching John's face remain neutral.

"After our paychecks?"

"We don't get paid until the end of the month." He heard John suck in a breath, fisting his hands in the fabric of Alex's shirt.

"How much do I have for groceries?"

"Fifteen dollars."

"I'm gonna have to buy-"

"Bad textures, yes. I'm sorry, John."

John planted his face into Alex's shoulder again, Alex rocking him back and forth gently.

"Why are the only cheap foods the worst textures?"

"Sorry again," Alexander said, rubbing his shoulder. John pulled away after a few minutes, raking his fingers through his hair.

"Alright. Okay. I can go shopping. I'll see you… when you get home from work." John resolved, bouncing up on his toes to kiss Alexander's nose quickly before going to the kitchen to get his wallet. Alexander turned around, looking over at the closet which held all of his clothes.

He heard the apartment door close, opening the door to the closet and yanking out a decent shirt to wear to work.

He'd found an alright job downtown- editor for the local newspaper. By far, it wasn't ideal, he'd rather write essays for the newspaper, but he'd take what he could get for now.

He wrestled it on over his head, grabbing his bag and walking out the door.

He and John could do this.

….

Alex knew John hated Granola. And ramen. And yogurt. And lots of other things, Alex was sure, but the only thing John could afford other than those foods he bought were enough ingredients to make 10 pb-and-j sandwiches.

So he had to sit with John as he forced down the foods that had awful textures, patting his back as he forced down the bowl of oatmeal with tears dripping out of his eyes quietly. He managed the last spoonful, twisting the tablecloth under his fingers to cope with it.

John turned to him, smiling weakly.

"I got all the cheapest stuff from the store." He said, getting up and shifting across the small space to Alex and unbuttoning his work jacket, Alexander grinning at him and reaching up to undo John's ponytail.

"I'm sorry that i've sort of forced you to live poorly," Alexander whispered, running his fingers through John's hair, earning a frown in return.

"Alexander, there's nothing i'd rather be doing than living here with you." John mumbled, Alexander feeling his arms wind around his waist.

"Love you," Alex whispered, tilting John's head up to kiss him.

"Wanna watch a movie?" John asked, Alexander swinging John's legs up to carry him, John yelping at the sudden change in dynamic and then giggling.

"What do you wanna watch?"

"Home Alone?" John suggested as Alexander carried him to the couch and then sitting down with John curled up in his lap.

"Sounds good," Alexander said, picking up the remote and fiddling through the TV for a while before finding the movie and playing it.

Alexander could feel John's breaths slowly getting deeper as he fell asleep, Alexander feeling his body slump back against his.

Whatever the world tries to hurl at the two of them, they'll figure it out. They can deal with hunger, homophobia, ableism, anything as long as they have each other. Alexander loves John, and John loves Alexander.

To him, that's all that matters.


End file.
